


If we had superpowers

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Coupling, Coupling (UK)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Jeff Shouldn't Say That, pub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff, Steve, and Patrick at the pub discussing what they would do if they had superpowers. Possibility of pervy comments.</p><p>Written for comment_fic on livejournal. The prompt was Jeff, Steve, and Patrick at a pub, discussing whether they would use superpowers for good or to do things like watch ladies undress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If we had superpowers

"Let's be honest, if we had X-ray vision, we wouldn't use it to fight crime," Patrick said as he took another sip and then set his glass back down on the pub table.

"I would," Steve said indignantly, until Patrick gave him a skeptical look. Steve then rolled his eyes and said, "Okay, in addition to the obvious, I would also fight crime."

"What's the obvious?" Jeff asked, giggling because he knew the answer.

"Fight crime how? What good would X-ray vision be for that, anyway?" Patrick insisted, ignoring Jeff, "What, are you going to stroll around the park arresting ladies whose bras don't match their knickers?"

"Not actually against the law, Patrick," Steve said.

"Well, it should be. Must be the feminists who overturned it," Patrick concluded.

Jeff interjected loudly, "What if she's not wearing any??!!?"

Patrick and Steve stared into their drinks trying to disappear as the whole pub turned to stare. When the din returned to normal, they asked, "What?"

"What if she's not wearing knickers? And by law, the bras had to match? Then they would legally have to wear neither! Brilliant!"

Steve rolled his eyes and said, "Jeff, I don't think-"

"No, he's onto something," Patrick said, concentrating, "If we were superheroes with X-ray vision and they passed a matching knickers law, we could look at whomever we wanted and it would just be our way of fighting crime. It's not entirely outside the realm of possibility." At Steve's raised eyebrow, Patrick amended, "I mean, it's mostly out of the realm. But it's got it toe still in the realm. And that's enough in the realm for me to hold out hope that we will someday be able to fulfill our civic responsibilities."

"Our civic responsibilities!" Steve muttered.

"We'll do it for England!" Patrick said and raised his glass to toast, a gesture which only Jeff returned, though he did so with great enthusiasm.

"We'll be the most dutiful crimefighters in the world!" Jeff said, practically jumping out of his seat, "Do you think we'll get to meet the queen as a reward?"

Tired of the conversation, Steve snapped, loudly, "Despite your assumptions to the contrary, the Queen will not want to meet you just because you've peeked at a thousand ladies' knickers!"

The pub went silent again, this time staring at Steve.

Jeff tried to reassure the crowd, "Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds! I'd never want to peek at any of you! ... I mean, not that I wouldn't want to, because believe me I've thought about it. You especially. No, that's not what I meant! I-"

Patrick and Steve looked at each other, threw bills on the table, and said "Time to go, Jeff." They dragged him out of there quickly, though on his way out he was still explaining, "But if I looked under your skirt and you weren't wearing any knickers, then and only then would I take you into my custody... But don't worry, there'd be lots of other girls there too! Like a pile of them! Not a pile, I mean-...."


End file.
